To The Beach
It was hot, and it was Sunday. The sun was a burning hole in the sky; when you looked at it, it turned
black. The sky itself was a solid expanse of clear blue, a shiny, glassy blue, like the inside of an
eye. Mom and Dad were languishing at the breakfast table, leaned back in their chairs and murmuring to
each other like adults do, umm-mnumm-umm-nummmm; Jimmy had gone off somewhere, down to the basement
maybe or out to the garage. Me, I was itching to get on my bike and cycle the neighborhood, see if
anything was up. There always was. There was always something new to see.
We thought we'd go to the beach today, my mother said, lifting her voice so I could hear. She
was smiling at me, a bit hazily, soft in the eyes, and looking comfortably frowzy in her fuzzy robe.
My heart leapt at the thought.
Which one? I asked.
End of the Road, my mother replied. And my father sang out, with a kind of slow, sleepy glee:
End of the Road, End of the Road, Take me to The End of the Road!
I looked out through the sliding glass door. The sunlight in the yard was very bright, the heat of it
already thickening the air. End of the Road. End of the Road was merely the name of a lake
found . . . well, at the end of the road that led to it. The lake must've had its own name, of course; but
I had no idea what it was. On one part of its shore there was a sandy beach (or was it sandy all the way
round? I didn't know. There might be a sandy rim, or there could be stretches of sand but also
stretches of pebbles, rocky places or mushy, marshy ones with reeds growing), a really big one; there'd be
dozens of families on a day as hot as today, umbrellas and beach blankets and radios dotting the sand, shoulders
and limbs glistening with suntan oil, and in the water bobbing heads, sudden leaps and splashes, shouts of
laughter and white teeth flashing . . .
I couldn't wait.
Well, my mother replied to my imperious When?
I need to wash the
dishes first, then make sandwiches, and I'll need to get out the mats, grab some towels, then do this, and
that . . . She trailed off, and I waited for her to finish the list in her head.
about forty-five minutes, I guess.
My father lit up a cigarette and exhaled a long stream of smoke through a lazy grin.
minutes, he agreed, and tossed me a lazy wink. I gave a squeak of pleasure and ran off to tell Jimmy
what was happening.
Forty-five minutes later we were all piling into the car, bathing suits on under our clothes. On the shelf
behind the backseat under the rear window were the thin straw mats we used to lie on, my dad's sandals, a bag
of potato chips and several pairs of sunglasses. A cooler full of pop and sandwiches was stowed in the
trunk, along with the beach umbrella and the large cloth bag my mother used to carry everything from suntan
lotion to aspirin to a thick pack of chewing gum to the occasional spare banana. We were ready.
The car roared to life. We were off.
Backing out of the drive, the crunch of gravel, and always, somewhere, a glimpse, a flash, of one or the
other half of an elderly couple, our neighbors, going into or coming out of their house, pushing a wheelbarrow
or stooping over their garden or sitting in big stuffed chairs in their living room staring fixedly at
something off in the corner, a tv probably. Then their house with the big windows in front was gone, and
our house was gone, and there was a sense of everything being suddenly in motion. I heard Fritz, our
mongrel, start to bark as we pulled away, and listening to him made me feel bad; I made a promise that when we
came home later on I'd take him outside to play. We drove to the end of our street, pulled out onto a
larger road that eventually led to a two-lane highway, and once there our tires rolled smoothly underneath us
and the country landscape – fields interrupted by clumps of trees and small woods – slipped by with
All four windows of the car were rolled down. Dad had one elbow crooked out the driver's side; that
was the hand he used for smoking, the other he used to steer. He was wearing a white T-shirt with the
sleeves rolled up and jeans. Mom had dolled herself up quite a bit, as I'd figured she would. She
had a habit of treating these outings as if they were parties. Her hair was stacked up in a high wave
atop her head with some curled areas too and several carefully arranged stray bits along the edges. She
had on pink lipstick and extra eyelashes and earrings.
Her blouse was a plain, pale blue – a shirt of my father's, I realized – and her pants were
green and close fitting and they ended right before they got to her ankles. Jimmy was wearing shorts
and nothing else. He'd been going through a growth spurt lately and his new, longer legs had started
getting hairy. He had hair under his arms now too and I tried not to stare, even though it sometimes
seemed like all he wanted was for everyone to notice.
I leaned forward and rested my chin on the seam where the two front seats met.
How long? I
Mmm, fifteen, twenty minutes, my mother said. She unwrapped a piece of hard candy she'd pulled
out from somewhere and popped it in my mouth. I tasted something bright and shiny and red.
Jimmy propped his chin up next to mine. Together we looked through the windshield at the blacktopped
highway hurtling towards us, looked over at our mom, looked over at our dad.
Not alot of muscle there, Jimmy commented, pointing to Dad's arm.
I looked at my father's bicep. Stretched out (it was the one he was driving with), the muscles in his
arm were long and thin, stringy.
It's all here, I said, pointing to the ball of muscle in his
shoulder. Dad was a laborer, construction mostly, and it had made his biceps long and lean while building
extra layers of muscle in his shoulders and upper back.
Hey, buds, he sang out in a low, lazy voice,
I got a new one for you.
Dad used to invent odd little rhymes and tell them to us sometimes. We ordered him to tell us now
– anything to break the boredom.
Tell! Tell! Tell! we cried.
Alright, he said, chuckling. "Here goes:
I once knew a man who had spiders in his hair!
Spiders in his hair! Spiders in his hair!
'I haven't any money and I haven't any care!'
So said the man with spiders in his hair!"
We all laughed and cheered and Jimmy wrestled me a little on the backseat.
Say it again! we
hollered. So Dad repeated the rhyme again, and we all started joining in. By the third time through
we knew it well enough to shout along with him:
Spiders in his hair! Spiders in his hair!
So said the man with spiders in his hair!
I sank back in the seat again, exhausted from laughing. I'd got my own hair cut just the day before,
and I could feel cool eddies of wind licking my scalp. I stuck my head out the window, and the sound of
it against my ears muffled everything else.
We were nearly there; I recognized the last stretch of highway. Already I could see the parking lot, could
almost smell the tar baking in the sun, like in a memory. There was the man in the wooden booth collecting
money, fat, balding, always happy. We began to slow down; stopped; the man's plump arm extended, received
his toll, then waved us on and we pulled forward again. Left, right, then left once more; at last the car
gave a little jerk, settled and died. We were here. We had arrived. Squinting through the
windshield I could see, just past the rows of cars, the bright round discs of the beach umbrellas, people in
bathing suits moving back and forth from water to shore, or lining up at the small white shack where you could
buy ice cream and snow cones.
Last one in's a rotten egg! Jimmy shouted as we piled out of the car.
Wait a minute! my mother called warningly. While Dad got the cooler and umbrella out of the
trunk she took off her scarf and rearranged bits of hair, checked her lipstick in the rearview mirror and
smoothed out her blouse, or shirt rather. I grabbed Dad's sandeals off the ledge behind me and hopped
out to hand them to him.
Thanks, Scooter, he said, slipping off his shoes and socks. His feet looked funny in the bright
sun, so white and bare.
He has very big toes, I thought. Mom leaned into the car to grab the
chips and the mats and we were off.
Waves of heat rose into the air, carrying with them a sharp, fumy smell. It got better as we moved off
the parking lot, and by the time we hit the beach it was completely gone. The sand was mushy under our
sandals and the beach was very crowded. We had to maze our way through yards of prone bodies stretched
out in the sun; nonetheless we trundled along until at last we found a bare patch, a patch of sand we could
call our own. Dad pitched the umbrella, Mom unrolled the mats, and Jimmy and I stripped down to our
swim shorts, after which I busied myself with jumping up and down ecstatically while Jimmy hunched low, one
foot behind the other, making like a runner at the starting line.
Now? I asked.
Now? Now? Now?
My mother slanted her eyes at me and said nothing for one long, breathless moment. Then:
Now! she cried and we took off, Jimmy and I, with long, quick strides and shorter, even quicker ones,
racing towards the water.
Not too far out! our mother called.
Keep in sight!
Deliciously cool it bloomed against our feet, licking, lapping, tickling – the water, slippery
smooth. Kids were shrieking, grownups laughing, and everybody hollered. The water rose round my
legs, and I felt the chill shock, something I forgot every time, when it reached the top. Quickly I
hunched down and dunked my middle, to get it over with. A shiver ran up my back. Then I stood
again, and began wading out farther, into the depths, walking carefully in case some unexpectedly sharp bit
of rock rose underfoot, which happened sometimes. Soon the bottom fell way, and I floated free. I
didn't know where Jimmy was, he'd rushed ahead and I'd lost track of him but it didn't matter, there were
people all around, some of them much farther out than I was, and I knew Jimmy would find me again eventually.
I pushed forward into the liquid coolness, moving my arms as I'd been taught and feeling myself adjust to its
temperature so that, in its upper regions at least, that cool embrace soon felt velvety and warm. So I
stilled myself, curled and plunged, plunged down as deep as I could, down to where the water again felt
chill. Everything was silent here; it pressed on my ears, pressed in on me all over and I rolled into
it, rolled into the cool silence, did a slow somersault and luxuriated in a dizzying sensation combined
with the lushness of a liquidy soft chill streaming all around me. When I stopped I didn't quite know
how I was, up or down or sideways, and I felt a sudden spurt of panic and a keen desire to breathe – just
breathe; then, guessing wildly, I pumped myself towards a spot of brightness I saw above, kicking with my legs
and stroking my hands downward, pushing water away, pushing coldness away until at last I felt it growing
warmer and warmer all around me and then suddenly I was bursting through the skin of water, bursting, bursting
into air –
~ END ~