2020




Tuesday October 20


Mother told by the doctor today that a nerve in her back is being slowly 'crushed.'

Tomorrow she goes to get the shot in her spine.




Sunday October 25


Does it make me mean something?  The moon's half-full tonight



This second shot for pain my mother received has had little effect.  Some slight improvement, but not enough.  For the first time she's willing to consider surgery.




Monday October 26


Coronavirus numbers reaching new highs.  Much worse than when we were shut down, yet now, except for wearing masks and disinfecting hands and surfaces a lot, we go about as normal.




Tuesday October 27


I keep going back to a scene from H.G. Wells' Time Machine, the one in which the earth is entirely desolate except for a black blob flopping about on the seashore, and wondering why it's always seemed such an attractive scenario to me.  One explanation may be that my affection for the scene (so vividly written; I can see the desolate seashore, the desolate sky) expresses an attraction to death.  The dissolution of self may be an enviable state to achieve because it contains within it the complete relaxation of anxiety.  But the same state can be achieved through deep meditation.  Which means there's more going on on that dying world than you think.



*



Tib has been much concerned about his health lately.  Today he told me he's worried because lately his poop has had a yellowish (or was it green?) color to it.  He asked me to feel his forehead, to see if it was hot.  It was.  He felt sweaty.




Wednesday November 4


Well the election was yesterday, and it went off fairly smoothly from what I could tell – meaning there was no trouble with Trumpists acting as self-appointed poll watchers, which was the main concern.  The race couldn't be settled last night, but as of early this evening it looks like Biden will take it.  I myself did in fact vote for Biden, feeling a thrill as I did so:  because it was a vote cast against Trump.  But I'll never again settle.  We need leaders far younger and more dynamic in their approaches than those Democrats (excluding Progressives) have to offer.  Trump made a mistake in calling himself the winner last night.  Even Republicans have called him out on that – though of course they've put up with, accepted and endorsed many of his terrible lies in the past.  This is just a 'pearl-clutching' moment for them.




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