Tuesday October 20
Mother told by the doctor today that a nerve in her back is being slowly 'crushed.'
Tomorrow she goes to get the shot in her spine.
Sunday October 25
Does it make me mean something? The moon's half-full tonight
This second shot for pain my mother received has had little effect. Some slight
improvement, but not enough. For the first time she's willing to consider surgery.
Monday October 26
Coronavirus numbers reaching new highs. Much worse than when we were shut down, yet now,
except for wearing masks and disinfecting hands and surfaces a lot, we go about as normal.
Tuesday October 27
I keep going back to a scene from H.G. Wells' Time Machine, the one in which the earth
is entirely desolate except for a black blob flopping about on the seashore, and wondering
why it's always seemed such an attractive scenario to me. One explanation may be that my
affection for the scene (so vividly written; I can see the desolate seashore, the desolate sky)
expresses an attraction to death. The
dissolution of self may be an enviable state to achieve because it contains within it the
complete relaxation of anxiety. But the same state can be achieved through deep
meditation. Which means there's more going on on that dying world than you think.
Tib has been much concerned about his health lately. Today he told me he's worried
because lately his poop has had a yellowish (or was it green?) color to it. He asked
me to feel his forehead, to see if it was hot. It was. He felt sweaty.
Wednesday November 4
Well the election was yesterday, and it went off fairly smoothly from what I could tell
– meaning there was no trouble with Trumpists acting as self-appointed poll watchers,
which was the main concern. The race couldn't be settled last night, but as of early
this evening it looks like Biden will take it. I myself did in fact vote for Biden,
feeling a thrill as I did so: because it was a vote cast against Trump. But I'll
never again settle. We need leaders far younger and more dynamic in their approaches
than those Democrats (excluding Progressives) have to offer. Trump made a mistake in
calling himself the winner last night. Even Republicans have called him out on that
– though of course they've put up with, accepted and endorsed many of his terrible
lies in the past. This is just a 'pearl-clutching' moment for them.