2020




Saturday August 29


Unnecessary drama going on in my family right at the moment – well, between me and my parents, specifically – over plans for attending my niece's wedding reception.  First my parents weren't going to go because my niece married a woman, and while they want her to be happy they're having some trouble dealing with that.  I on the other hand had thought I would go, to show my support for the marriage.  But that support turns out to be unnecessary; everyone else in the family has accepted the union without, so far as I can tell, much real objection.  So now the situations are reversed.  I, who do not like social events (though I tend to enjoy them more than I expect to), would prefer not to go while my mother has begun to wish she could.  But there is her back problem to consider, and my father's hearing problem, and what with the length of the drive and everything else it was finally decided that we wouldn't go – or at least that's what I thought we'd decided but then the idea was put forth that if my eldest brother attended (he lives several states away) my father would probably go with him – and perhaps my mother too, if she was having a good day.  But then, no, later my mother told me that she and my father had thought it over and decided they definitely were not going, but if my brother did drive up, well, maybe I would consider going with him in their stead? . . .

Grrr!  It makes me want to pull off my head.




Tuesday September 1


Tib is currently worried about having experienced a recent mysterious weight loss – 18 lbs, he claims – and by a fuzzy white coating that's growing on his tongue.  The doctors are guessing it's something viral, and, these being viral times, Tib is worried.  All day he keeps shoveling spoonfuls of yogurt into his mouth, presumably to build up his digestive system.  He's very worried about his weight loss.  Yesterday I told him frankly – well, bluntly – that even after having lost 18 lbs he was a long way from being skin and bones.  He fell silent at that and just stood there, staring at me.  With gaping eyes, I might say.  Though to be fair, any sudden change in our bodies quite naturally causes anxiety.  And in Tib's case the cause is unknown.  Plus there's the tongue thing.  On the other hand, he's also a hypochondriac, and I get tired of being sympathetic.

But it's true – I am severe sometimes.  And too self-encapsulated.  Has that thing happened to me, that negative evolution I so feared when I was younger?  Have I become calcified and brittle?  Disappeared inside a shell?  And yet, I know how little it takes for my good humor to be restored, how just a few moments of talking to someone whose sympathies I share will buoy me up for an entire day.  But – I also hope future historians will remember what a pall the Trump presidency cast over the hearts and minds of so many in this country.  How profoundly dismaying it has been to see both political leaders and fellow citizens accept profound corruption and terrible short-sightedness in order to get what they want.  But it's a true thing.  And really, it's never bad to recognize the truth about one's reality.  It's just that it can be hard to bear sometimes, at least at first.




Wednesday September 2


You cannot persuade them easily, they do not have high critical skills, they can hold very inconsistent positions very comfortably, and so it's a difficult group to deal with.  They only thing they understand is defeat. – former White House Counsel for President Nixon John Dean, describing Trump voters.




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